Mary's Blogs

I think I finally understand what John Perkins meant when he said that “before we can lead anyone, we have to know, accept and embrace who we are—how God created us.” In the context of the conversation I just had with a really good friend, it meant learning to love yourself in the way God has made you. And it is this love and understanding of ourselves and who we are that allow us to see the strengths in the person that God designed us to be.

The way this conversation came about was a question of why this friend and I speak truth to one another differently.  As good friends, it is our job to speak truth and reveal those blind spots that we so often overlook.  And of course I am honored and willing to do so.  Now, what I find to be quite true about this friend is that they often speak truth in a very straight forward manner, but this truth is spoken in a manner where the message is still conveyed without sounding like too much of an extremist, while still holding the respect of friends around them. It is a very rare strength to have I must say.  Knowing this, we both came to the realization that I tend to speak truth differently.  Though there are times when I can be straight forward, I tend to speak truth indirectly.  (An example would be simply sharing about something that had convicted ME recently.)  So the question became, why I tend to take the indirect approach of speaking truth.  My answer led back to the words of Billy Graham, “It is God’s job to judge, the Spirit’s job to convict, and my job to love.” My point was that it was the Spirit who did the convicting in the end, all I needed to do was share my personal thoughts.  And because I understand and can appreciate that God has made me to be a person who can truth speak in this way, I am able to see the value and strengths in this approach.

That friend pointed out that when I speak truth, it is convicting not strictly by the words but also by the way that these words are lived out through my own life.  Now, this point was not written to put a spotlight on my life in any way but to share the wisdom taken from Shane Claiborne in his book, Follow Me To Freedom.  My response stemmed from his thoughts which said, “words…only come to life when they get lived out—when the word becomes flesh.  Could not have said it better myself.  If I am about to call a friend out on any “blind spot” or sin, I BETTER be living out those words.

By the end of our conversation, we both realized that as we are both Nathans to each other’s David, we are both able to see the value in the way God has created us and our personalities.  Both types of truth speaking are and can be convicting.  It reveals the way valuing ourselves and our personalities can become the strength that God uses to bring others closer to His kingdom.  And for contextual purposes, Nathan was the friend and prophet that spoke truth and revealed to King David (in the bible) the “blind spot” or sin that David had committed when he slept with another man’s wife. He used both indirect truth speaking, with a story, as well as direct truth speaking by pointing out exactly what that story had pertained to in David’s life. So the cheesy question I leave you with is, what type of Nathan are YOU? =)

Freedom.  It’s a concept that sometimes I have the hardest time grasping.  It is something so simple and yet I get confused every day.  Every day is battle within the self trying to understand what true freedom is.  What is true freedom?

During picnic day I was spreading awareness of the need for clean water in Africa and I bumped into a guy from China by the name of @#$^%&*… nothing bad, I just don’t remember it because it was so cool.  But it meant sunshine in Chinese.  When I found out he was from China, I got really excited and I asked him why he decided to come to Davis and if he was a student.  He responded saying that he was a student here at Davis going for his PHD this year but that he didn’t come for the education.  Instead he came for the one thing Americans so easily forget that they have—freedom.  But not just any freedom, he came for his freedom in Christ.  Amazing.  Even this man from China does so much as to move to a new country simply to experience the freedom to live freely in Christ.  Yet I struggle trying to understand this same freedom every single day.

Little by little I begin to understand what true freedom is just that much more.   “God breathed into man and he became a living soul.”  Though God gave me life, I can only truly experience the fullness of life through Him.  Because here on earth, this “life” I have is weighed down with every single pressure there is.  And only through Christ can I experience LIFE to its fullest extent.  What does it look like?  Freedom.  This is the simple concept I’m trying to fully grasp.  It makes sense and yet I forget all the time.  Silly me.  What is true life but a full dose of freedom from a world that offers everything and yet nothing.  The God who created me is the same God who desires to give me life to the fullest—a life of true freedom; one that is found only in Christ and Christ alone.

Along with this freedom come the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  (Galatians 5:22-23)

After coming back home from the junior event I can’t stop thinking about the things that happened, the conversations we had, and even the way God had set up that day for us.  What’s interesting is that it didn’t just feel like some event that happened. It felt like time spent with family. Nate Huckeba, Nicole Evans, Kenny Mac, Nish, KJ, Tracy, Sandra, Will, and Gerald (who’s graduating with our class). We felt like a team on a short term missions trip together, and for some reason every time I think about a team, I think of a well bonded community.  Like my missions team to Morocco, or the on-campus team.  So now every time I think of each one of these beautiful people in my junior class, I remember the incredible day, the convos we had, and the friends we met.

It’s been three weeks in ministry now and I wanted to jot down what On-Campus ministry is really like.  It wasn’t until the beginning of this year did I really see ministry on-campus as a mission field.  Where? The Davis campus.  What Culture? Dorm life.

For the first few weeks now our team of On-Campus, small group leaders have been walking into places of possible discomfort and meeting new people left and right for the purpose of forming relationships that God might possibly use to further His Kingdom in the future.  With the knowledge that we were all freshmen at one point, you might assume that this factor makes it easier, but it doesn’t.  We are all strangers in those dorms: awkward creepers for some and nice yet random people to others.  We don’t exactly live the life the freshmen do and we don’t claim to understand EVERYTHING they go through, but we do have a clue for being there at one point in our lives.

As we enter into a territory that we strive to make our new home, we find new friends all over the areas where we plan to lead our small groups.  We study with them, we eat with them, we play what they play, watch what they watch, celebrate birthdays with them, and basically live half the life that they live in the dorms in hopes of being seen as friends to these freshmen rather than the outsiders that appear at random.  As we take as much time as possible to do what they do in the dorms, we struggle to find balance in our own agendas as we form our schedules around theirs.  As we get to know them one by one, we pray that God allows for a friendship with them that is strong enough for them to openly allow us to help them find their needs for Jesus to fill.  And as we get to know them personally, we continuously pray that God helps us to use each individual relationship for Him; we pray for His Holy Spirit to lead us in finding ways where we can challenge them in taking small/big steps for Jesus.

Struggling to form these relationships can bring up insecurity issues and other inner struggles.  This is just a glimpse in the way God uses this ministry to teach and grow us closer to Him as we persevere through these inner battles.  Each person encounters their own personal struggles and strengths as they enter into the dorms.  Not one person will find it a breeze to enter into the unfamiliar territory.  Even the most socially aware person may find it hard to form a relationship if the person they are talking to doesn’t care to reciprocate.

As I continue to walk into this new culture, and as the people in this culture become more and more familiar, I get the opportunity to see our purpose take flight.  We form relationships in order to move the individuals we meet into taking small steps for Jesus.  So whether it’s something as simple as praying for the first time or witnessing on campus, God allows us the blessing of being a part of the process in seeing His Kingdom move forward with each individual.  This ministry is not just like any other leadership club, it is a mission field made up of students who are motivated by God who serves them first.

I am amazed by true community in Christ.  Ever since the business of New Student Outreach (NSO) of 2010, I haven’t had the chance to just sit and write down the blessings of the new year.  But after an incident that caused for community to step in, I felt a huge need to express my amazement in the way God can truly work through community and make the difference in another person’s life.

As a participant in the situation, I got to take part and witness as 6 students, who heard that a friend was in trouble, came together to truly do what a community in Christ should do for a friend in terrible situations.  I witnessed how a friend’s updated status on facebook could lead the group of 6 students to come together into deep prayer in order to place God as the center of that one student’s situation.  I witnessed how that student was invited into a house where he too witnessed how this community of 6 could be used by God to go beyond just praying, and actually taking action in addition to their prayers for him.  I witnessed how this community of 6 tangibly helped to relieve the stress of that one student by tackling the problem little by little.  I was a witness of the difference that God made through His community.

As a community in Christ, we share His joy in our lives, we share His love in our lives, and when one person is in need, He can use that community to help bring in His hope to those really impossible situations.  It is one thing to know about what community should look like, and another thing to witness it being actively lived out.  Lucky for me, I received the blessing of knowing that I am a part of a community in InterVarsity where Christ’s love makes the difference in our lives to really allow us to love one another and rely on the power of God working through His community.

Today I stand in awe of the God who gives and gives and gives.  Joy, Love, Peace, Motivation, Desire, Passion, Endurance, Hope, Faith, Strength, etc.  All given to me by His love and Mercy.  I am reminded first why I am able to see these blessings.  Because He chose me, because he chose to love me, and because he looked at me and said I am worth it.  Then I remember the suffering He had to go through which He looked at and didn’t think twice to decide once again that I am worth it.  Then, He reminds me that He knows me inside and out, my heart of small love in addition to great sin.  He knew me before I walked this earth, He knew of all the wickedness in my heart and yet He looked at me and said “it is good.”  And so He continues to bless me, He continues to do all things to make me happy expecting nothing in return.  He continues to serve me just to show me one thing and one thing only.  That He loves me.

A new topic I wanted to hit on was the greatness of God.  I realized that the one thing we so often forget is just how great our God really is.  He is almighty, all powerful, and all knowing.  But do we really see that in prospective?

Imagine all the people on this world, anyone from babies to super tall people, as less than ants.  In fact we are like dust-mites; hardly even noticeable.  Then we have God–this great gigantic being who holds the entire universe in the palm of his hands.  Greater than any human king, he can shove us around with the tip of his finger nail.  He can alter the course of our lives with one flick.  He needs none of us to make a decision; if everyone on the entire universe got together and disagreed with God, His decision is the only one that matters.  So how much does the King of all the universe really care about us if he needs none of us in the first place?

Now imagine this.  This mighty king who is so great and so powerful, who makes us look like a speck on a globe, humbles Himself and sends His son to be a servant to these specks.  He allows us to spit at Him, yell at Him, curse at Him, and look down upon Him just so that we specks on a tiny planet can be with Him.  God, this all powerful, huge being turns Himself into nothing to serve the nothings on a planet that deserves none of His mercy.  He not only humbles Himself to become nothing, but He becomes servant of all the nothings on this planet (us) and dies on the cross so that we can be with Him in heaven.  Now isn’t that the work of someone who truly loves us?

Driving today from the bay to work was terrible.  I was tired just trying to get to work ON TIME.  But with all the cars driving back and forth, I kind of thought about how these cars seem to act the same way people do on a daily basis.  At times things were slow.  As much as I tried to stick to one lane, something about traffic influenced me to skip around from lane to lane, unsettled each time I slowed down again.  When I happened to cut a person off, they got angry and gave me the birdie.  When I moved to the next lane I got slowed down some more so the car in front purposefully slowed down to cause me to go slower.  The car just wasn’t willing to let me pass him up even though I was obviously being slowed down by him.  And when I exited I realized the lane took a while before actually merging; but because of it, certain cars were able to skip about 1/3 of the traffic before merging, keeping their distance and ignoring the need of the cars before them.  It’s because of this that I feel like driving is such an inconsiderate sport.

It’s always about competition on the freeway.  The more cars you pass, the faster you get to your destination.  No one has any time to relax and take a steady pace.  Every car is eager to pass the slow ones and leave their lanes if it means they get to “move ahead in the game;”  this is life at it’s finest.

In this life we waiver back and forth trying to force our way to the finish line.  We’re all about controlling our own destiny and being independent.  Something about making our own way through the traffic of life seems appealing to the average man.  No one wants to be slowed down by the traffic of others, and like the cars, we push aside as many as we can just to get a few inches closer to our destination, caring only for ourselves.  This act of doing for ourselves tends to motivate our actions as well; the more vicious we get, the happier we are that we’re closer to the goal.  Does this all sound TOO similar to you?  I think that if Jesus was here, He would’ve been the most considerate driver of life.

Jesus was the type to stop to help others.  I’m not sure what His stance on independence was but he was definitely FOR doing things in pairs.  The only person he ever shoved aside was Satan, and that is for obvious reasons.  Jesus didn’t work alone, He allowed the people around Him to be a part of what He was doing.  He brought people along with Him everywhere He went, except for when He spent personal time with His Father (God), like when he went to the mountain to pray.  He was considerate, and He showed a character of love for the poor who “fell behind”.  He always cared to make a difference, glorifying His father whenever He could.  Granted when it wasn’t His time, He would take a step back, but you get the idea.

I don’t know how much sense I made so far, but my point is that when this ongoing process of constantly being on the go consumes our soul, we become consumed ourselves.  We forget about the people around us and we lose the character of Jesus in loving others.  In the end all we care about is trying to satisfy our own need, forgetting about the needs of others.  We allow anger or bitterness to harbor within us, walking farther and farther away from the character that Jesus would want for us to have; all for the purpose of satisfying our own needs.

Sometimes we need to take a step back and consider our actions, our intentions, and the things that stir in our hearts whether good or bad.  Sometimes taking the time to stop and pray can be all it takes to really allow Jesus to take over for when we feel the desire to only satisfy our own “needs” instead of considering others in what we do.

When I was almost at Davis and I reached a merge lane, for some reason all the cars that needed to merge all got stuck for a brief moment, including my own.  No one wanted to let us in.  Then suddenly a car to the left of us decided to stop for a minute in order to let many of us through.  Not just one, but MANY.  I was amazed by how considerate that car was.  I realized that if everyone cared just as much for others as that one car did for all those who were stuck, God’s love would be so apparent.  Maybe it would be like the time that was written in the book of Acts when everyone gave up and shared all they had so no one was in need, because whatever they needed was available and shared amongst everyone.

Relationships are important, whether we are Christian or non-Christian. They give us comfort when we feel alone.  It is natural for us to think about friendships or our boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse,  but how much do we consider our relationship with Christ?

When I was reading a book by Donald Miller, I felt like he pretty much killed the aspect of Jesus being the bridegroom and us as the bride; killed meaning he repeated it a million times.  I wondered what he was trying to get at. I knew this relationship was important.  I knew about trying to get to know Jesus, but did I truly understand to the extent of what type of relationship God wants to have with me?

In the Old Testament, God speaks of Israel and Jerusalem as a ‘she’ many times.  In Ezekiel 16, God raises Jerusalem into a pure beautiful jewel, clothing her with garments, bathing her, pouring ointments on her, and providing for her with fine jewelry, flour, honey, and olive oil. God continues to speak to Jerusalem saying in verse 13, “you became very beautiful and rose to be a queen.” God reveals Jerusalem as His queen; and who else would be the king but God Himself.  As beautiful as the story begins I’m pretty sure you can guess where it ends; she looks away from her King disregarding all He had done for her.  She trusts in her beauty and uses her fame to become a prostitute (verse 15).

The message from this is simple isn’t it? Jerusalem is an adulterer taking her bridegroom for granted. She trusts in her beauty and looks elsewhere for her provisions instead of to her king.  But aren’t we just as bad for relying on our own strength, courage, or knowledge instead of relying on God?  Don’t we cheat on our Bridegroom just as much by relying on OUR beauty or OUR own abilities to get what WE want?

It’s so interesting how we tend to overlook God’s intimate nature. Over and over again through His word He tries to reveal how much He longs for a relationship with us, and not just any relationship, a marriage; yet we tend to compare Jesus with Santa Clause asking for gifts and pretending to be on the ‘nice’ list.  Yet as much as our Bridegroom provides for us, and as much as He longs for us to look only to Him, to get to know Him, to be faithful to Him, to truly love and trust in Him, we separate ourselves further by asking for things that only supply us with a short satisfaction.

“Perhaps our formulas and bullet points and steps steal the sincerity with which we might engage God. Becoming Christian might look more like falling in love than baking cookies.” (Donald Miller) Day by day He provides for us waiting until we respond back to Him. When will we respond to our Bridegroom? When will we learn to take this relationship seriously and truly get to know the God who knows of our unfaithful nature yet loves us so much that He sent Himself (Jesus) to die for our sins in order that we get forgiven of our unfaithful/sinful nature and receive a second, third, fourth, fifth, millionth chance with Him?

In Hosea 2:16 He says “In that day…you will call me ‘my husband’; you will no longer call me ‘my master.’ ” (NIV)

It’s already the end of the year and the beginning of my second summer after college. I can’t believe it. Well to sum things up fast I realized there are a ton of things/people that God has blessed me with this year that I can’t help but recognize this and thank Him in return for how much joy He’s brought me because of them:

Licia Inn and Trina Hayes; It was not until these two popped into my life did God allow me to truly understand the pure joy of friendships grounded in Him. He has reshaped my life so much through being around them. I will truly miss everything about them.

Tatiana and Neiman; God could not have chosen a better set of co-leaders to lead with, grow with, learn with/from, and to truly love. God has blessed me so much with the joy I received from gaining their friendship this year through our co-leadership.

John Cheng (the awkward man in the background); I can’t help but feel really blessed to have a Prep-leader like him who has really kept me accountable for getting back on my feet.

Davis IVCF On-Campus team; It has continued to be a highlight for me to be a part of this team and see them every monday of the week, going through life together and facing similar joys/struggles with leading our bible studies.

Anisha and Ashley Kim; Never have I felt so blessed to have peers that I can truly click with as well as grow with. Another blessing I am thankful for is having friends like them that I can definitely count on to have fun with as well as have serious conversations with.

Castilian Bible Study; It has truly been a blessing to be a part of every single one of their lives. It’s been amazing just being able to see each one of them make  changes to follow Christ even more closely.

Davis 1000 Wells Project Coordinating Team; Can’t forget what God has taught me in loving others who suffer/die due to lack of provisions such as water. I truly enjoyed learning to care for/spread awareness of a people group with a team filled with individuals who have the same passion, desire, and heart for justice.

And Of course I can’t leave without remembering the lessons I’ve learned that stuck with me the most:

life-lesson #1: “Before God lets us succeed where we failed, He often lets us fail where we will succeed.” ~taken from Alicia Inn’s blog yet is still perfect for current situations.

life-lesson #2: Pray Boldly/Prayer is like a spiritual pulse that will either consume sin or sin will choke prayer.

life-lesson #3: Faith Fuels miracles/Growing in faith means choosing to follow Christ over and over again.

life-lesson #4: All that is needed for evil to triumph is for good men and woman to do nothing.

life-lesson #5: Still learning to truly understand my unworthiness of Jesus’ death on the cross, because He looked at the suffering He had to go through and then He looked at us and said we are worth it.

There are a million things God has taught me and is continuously teaching me this year but these are definitely the ones I remember most. ^_^ Hope everyone has an excellent summer. Not looking forward to friends leaving; however, I’m super stoked for the amount of time I’ll get to spend with God during my free time. =)